Critters Attack Review

 “The revival of this beloved franchise should’ve stayed buried!”

 By: Adam Cook

 

 

I love the Critters franchise. I remember watching the movies on television back in the 90s. I loved the designs of the intergalactic hairballs created by the Chiodo Brothers. I loved the slapstick comedy that helped balance the violence and gore.  I loved the premise of the movies. What a lot of people don’t know is that this franchise was a stepping stone for Leonardo DiCaprio as he made his film debut at the age of Sixteen in Critters 3.  In the past year Shout Factory released the original four movies on Blu Ray this past October (which I purchased and can say that it is a great box set), Shudder released a limited series called Critters: A New Binge, which was more of an abstention than binge and now there is a new movie that was released yesterday straight to video titled Critters Attack which is supposed to be a return/reboot to the series. I had a chance to watch this and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

If you’re not familiar with the original series, it follows the Critters (or Krites as they are known through the intergalactic world) crash on Earth and go around eating everyone and everything they can until there is nothing left for them to munch on. The plot of this movie focuses on a twenty-year-old girl Drea, who takes a job babysitting the children of a college professor. She hopes that the professor will feel that she did a great job to get her into the college that he is in. Drea and the children go on a hike in the woods in the dark (who does that in real life?) and stumble upon the Critters. From there are hell ensues.

I didn’t have high expectations when this was first announced namely due to New Line Cinema, who produced and distributed the original movies not having any involvement in it and that the Chiodo Brothers weren’t involved in the Critters puppetry despite earlier reports saying they were. I expected it to be better than A New Binge, sadly that’s not the case.

The story is something out of a teeny bopper film with characters that whine and complain about what is going on in their lives and have no redeeming qualities to them. The acting from the kids was awful. They didn’t seem to show any fear when they encountered the Critters.  There is only one person from the original franchise that makes a return in this movie, which is Dee Wallace who appeared in the first movie as Helen Brown. Instead of reprising that role, she plays a bounty hunter, who were made famous in the franchise by Don Opper and Terrance Mann. I hate that in movies where they bring someone back only for them to play a new character. While it’s nice to see her in this movie, she doesn’t offer much, and her screen time is limited. I would’ve rather seen Opper return as the lovable hero Charlie McFadden from the previously mentioned films. Another story element they try to add is a female Critter who acts in a similar fashion as Gizmo from the Gremlins series (which back in the day Critters was accused of ripping off). The addition of this new character is a good effort, but don’t seem to dive into her purpose.

The special effects where painfully cheap. They are on par with A New Binge, which I described in a review of that series for another publication as something that you would see on Nickelodeon. The death scenes were not shocking nor laughable. Perhaps the most painful effects were from the Critters themselves. They’ve been portrayed in the movies as great communicators and derive on teamwork to accomplish their goals. That was absent from these Critters. They were individualistic and at time clumsy, not in a funny way. While the Critters have been rubber puppets, these look like dollar store knockoffs. Once again, if the Chiodo Brothers were involved, they would’ve made them a little more realistic, scary and lifelike.

Critters Attack is a poor attempt at bringing back a cult franchise. After watching this it appeared to me that the filmmakers were attempting to target a younger audience rather than bringing the devoted fans back while expanding their audience.   For those of you that have been starving for more Critters, you’re about to become famished.